Laugh for the day-The English Language

This is why non-English speakers have so much trouble with our language   - A couple of these are almost tongue twisters!

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.  

2) The farm was used to produce produce.  

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse .

4) We must  polish the Polish furniture.  

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.  

8)A  bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.  

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.  

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close  it.  

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer  line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.  

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.  

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?  

Let's face it - English is   a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.   English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted.   But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.  

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?   Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?  

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?   Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?  

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.  

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.  

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?  

Never thought about like that before. Huh.

that's why English is the hardest language to learn if you didn't grow up speaking it.

MorganEA wrote:that's why English is the hardest language to learn if you didn't grow up speaking it.

And even us who grew up speaking it can barely do so.   

OMG, this hit home so hard!!! Thanks for posting!
(Next time someone complains about me pulling the ESL card, I'll point them here!)

I remember going to ESL when I was in Elementary school... although, they called it LSC ... not sure why.

ESL (English is a Stupid Language)
What is the plural form of Mouse? Mince.
What is the plural form of... House? ...... Hice? No. Neighborhood. =P

Watch this comedy clip for more english funnies. (may not be suitable for children under the age of 13. So... yeah.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jyFdf8kF3E

If you play Hidden Object games you will run into this all the time...find the Knight (chess knight or kings knight?), find the bat (flying bat or baseball bat?)...geez...yes, our language leaves a lot to be desired as far as clarity

A gal at work once had a horrible ESL experience when her interviewer asked her the open ended question: "Say there is a rattle in your car, how would you look for it?" She, being of foreign descent, thought the interviewer was asking for a baby rattle, as opposed to a noise rattle. So she said she'd look under the seats, in the glove compartment, etc. She was pretty confused when the interviewer asked if she'd look in the engine... but she said "sure, why not, maybe it is in there!"

Later on, her boss at another company told her "well of course you didn't get the job! The right answer is that if you are looking for a rattle, you should fill up the car with water and the rattle will float up to the top!"...

Alas, it took 10 years before I came along to tell her that a "rattle" in the US usually means a noise, and not a baby rattle.

English sucks ... but sometimes it can be funny